A Very Blarghy Morning

A girl lies in bed, savouring the dream she is having. Such a beautiful, comfortable, happy dream. Such a beautiful, comfortable, happy bed. Somewhere in the house a door slams. She is disturbed slightly, rolls over, and goes back to sleep.

Happiness is waking up and being fully confident you can sleep again.

Another dream starts; this sleep is like a fabulous marathon at a cinema where everything is bean bags and you can choose the movies and little penguin waiters bring you any food you like and tell you that you are not fat at all so help yourself.

The dream progresses, the bed is warm, the girl is snuggles. Somewhere far off, a telephone rings.
Somewhere, a little way off, a telephone rings.
Somewhere around, a telephone rings.
Somewhere near by, a telephone rings.
Somewhere really fucking close, a telephone rings.

In her dream, the girl starts to get mildly irritated, for some reason. Why does happy happy joy joy dream make the ANGRIES??
Her eyes snap open. Or rather, they creak open and blink a lot. Ring, ring.

"BLARGH?!?!?!" Speech centres not fully activated.
ring ring!!
"oh blargh phone! They'll blargh give up soon..."
RING RING.
"surely they'll realise blargh... idiot blargh people... mmmmm blargh bed is cosy"
RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RIIIIIIIIIIIIING
"FUCK BLARGH OFF!!"
ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....

"Curse our lack of answer blargh machine!!
ringy ringy ring ring!!!
"I suppose I should answer blargh, it might be one of my blargh parents calling about a blargh emergency"
ring ring ring.

The half asleep girl trundles into the other room on a freezing cold floor, kicking her already injured injuries as she goes.

"blargh-lo"
"Hello, I'm an obnoxiously bright and cheery ladyvoice, broadly smiling cos Life Is Swell!! Is this Paper Plus??"
The girl takes some time to process. Paper Plus?? The STATIONERY shop?? No... last time she checked she did not sell stationery. But still... you never can be sure of much these days.
"um....blargh.... no??"
"Oh!! The realisation of my wrongness makes me sound even more chipper still!! Tinkly laugh at my mistake!! Jolly jolly hahaha!! I have the wrong number!! Good bye!!" beep beep beep beep beep
"BLARGH. Good bye, fucking exclamation mark blargh lady"

Now the girl was Up and Somewhat Awake, she discovers her cat has left a present in the night behind the TV. And not the cute "I brought you a dead mouse, aren't you proud" kind of present either.
She runs to smug-looking bitch of a cat, picks her up, shows her the error of her ways, and throws her out the cat door (which cat should have used in the first place and she Knows Much Better Than That). Mid-flight, cat extends claws and scratches girl's wrist. Touche, cat. You win this time- but I have full control of the food cupboard.

Time for breakfast. Whilst toast is toasting and coffee is coffeeing, still-sleepy girl decides now would be an excellent time to put entire contents of 40 litre rubbish bin, which includes rotting fruit, into rubbish bag all neat and tidy like. She holds bag over top of bin and tips bin upside down.
Rubbish tumbles majestically away from hungry mouth of bag, and makes spectacular landing all over recently mopped kitchen floor.

Circumstances allowing, Girl discovers that it IS perfectly alright to cry whilst bleeding, waiting for toast, amid a rubbish dump, a mere 15 minutes after getting out of bed.